Update
Hm... It looks like it's been 2 weeks since my last post. I better get an update on what's been going on in my life.Oct. 3, after about 7 months of medical leave, I returned to work. I tried a full 8 hour, but was burnt out by the end of the day. So I decided to work half days until I feel I'm ready for more. It's been pretty hard to get myself back into work. It's harder than I thought it would be. Mentally, emotionally, physically.
John (my brother) made it out of surgery and is doing fine. (He had his gallbladder removed which was something that had been giving him problems the past year). That's one less thing to worry about.
I got a chance to see my mom!! She had a chance to fly out here to be with John during his surgery. It was so great to see my mom again. To taste her cooking again. Just to have her near by... it's always nice to have mom by your side when you're not feeling good.
I got the results from my blood test (ca125). It was a 4. Which is GREAT (was 467 at time of surgery, dropped down to 5 at last chemo). But Dr. Goodman (oncologist) wants me to do it again tomorrow. Plus, he scheduled me in for a CT scan. I know this is the only way to get this "what if" that's been hanging around out of the way. It's driving me crazy! It hasn't been 3 months since my last chemo and I'm already running back to my doctor.
Right now, I'm not feeling too well. I think I'm catching something... cold? flu? ... or just allergies. But usually my allergies turn into a cold. Either one... I can't afford to get sick!! My throat's been itchy. I feel so tired, exhausted... I didn't go into work today.
Feels like 7 months ago, my life was put on hold the day I went into surgery. Oct. 3, it started back up again. It kinda feels like I've been abducted -probed, organs removed, poisoned -then put back on Earth. Now I'm expected to live life as normal. I'm standing here confused. It feels like a dream. Sometimes, I think to myself... was it all a dream? Did it really happen? Then I look down and see my scar on my belly... I look in the mirror... and realize, it wasn't.
I think I'm stressing myself out with trying to deal with so many things going on in my life all at once. I don't remember when my life felt so caotic. I just have to remind myself to deal with one thing at a time, or else I'm going to drive myself crazy. Sounds easier than it is.
posted by Linda V @ 5:27 PM
2 Comments:
Deep Breathes!!! Take it easy gurl!!! nothing is more important than you!
I'm glad you are getting back to your good-ole self again. Remember...
One day at a time... one day.
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