So much emotions... what do i do?
I'm not sure what's going on with me. I've got so many things running through my mind right now. I don't know how to deal with them. I feel so emotional. I broke down and cried yesterday. I'm not a crier. I didn't even cry when I was told I had cancer. Are my hormones all out of wack? I spoke to my sister yesterday and she reminded me that I don't have to be strong all the time. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm trying to figure it out.. but the more I think about it .. the more I want to cry. *confused*Is this what happens to people with surgical menopause? I heard that you get mood swings and stuff like that. Lately, little things are irritating me. I don't know if its surgery/cancer/chemo or it's just me? Stuff that I had been able deal with and blow off before... it's eating at me now. I think I'm stressing myself out.
Recently I found out that someone I was close to at one time took his own life 10months ago. I'm not sure why I can't seem to fully process this? Maybe what's making this hard is that his wife told me that a few weeks before his death, he mentioned me. Why is it lingering around in my mind? I know it wasn't my fault.. or even have anything to do with it. But why does it feel like it's weighing my heart down? I haven't experienced many close deaths in my life. two that I can remember.. a friend who was murdered by Jeffery Damher. and one last year, she wasn't that close to me, (but very close to my friends and family).. her death was a car jacking gone wrong.
So what I'm feeling is probably normal.... just a process of grief?
Right now, I'm also scared of my cancer coming back. The reason I'm having doubts is because I've been feeling some symptoms coming back. Mainly the tightness in my stomach. I can't tell if its just something I ate... or something serious. I made an appointment to have it looked at tomorrow. *wish me luck*
What I want to know is, if you other OVCA ladies out there have experienced the same thing?
I'm not even sure how to begin talking to anyone about all of this. Maybe this is why I'm writing it. One way of releasing it..... but it doesn't give me answers.
posted by Linda V @ 9:06 AM
1 Comments:
How strange..I have been feeling the same way... awful mood swings and I wondered if it was the chemo..
Minerva
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